Tales Behind the Ways
by iTorchic
Summary: You've read '333 and More Ways to Get Kicked Out of HQ' but what are some of the stories behind the ways? How did Edward manage to get a stampede of cows into HQ? Who actually invented Halloween? Whatever happened to that therapist? Find out here! Rated T
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, so…I've been getting demands on little one-shots for my original giant crack fic '333 and More Ways to Get Kicked Out of HQ'. I guess this'll be yet another one of these branch off fics I end up doing. XD**

**They won't be in any particular order, just whatever I get requests for I guess.**

**

* * *

**

**438. Go Trick or Treating**

There was a long-standing 5 year tradition in Risembool that had never really caught on in a lot of big cities in Amestris: Halloween. Sure, everyone in the country seemed fine with carving pumpkins and dressing in costumes to go to others houses to get sweet treats, but in the city…eh…not so much. However, it was a pretty recent holiday that had been created by none other than the genius Elric Brothers.

It was October 31st and Edward and Alphonse, aged 6 and 5 respectively, were sitting on their porch in the afternoon sun.

"Edward, I'ma hungry! Do you think mom'll give us some cookies?"

"I don't think so Al. We already tried that, remember?"

The 3 year old looked downcast as the elder began to contemplate possible solutions to their 'sweet-deprivation' problem until he got an idea and an evil grin grew on his face.

"Let's get dressed up so no one will know who we are, and we'll ask them for sweets! That way, we can get the sweets and mom'll never know it was us!"

So, go with that plan they did, swiping the hollow pumpkins that their mother had emptied for the seeds and the brothers managed to punch out little holes into the gourd to make 'scary' faces before pulling out the bottom to make a hole for their head.

"Brother, is this really gonna work? We're wearing pumpkins on our heads with pillowcases to ask for sweets from people around town."

"It's gonna work Al! Trust me!"

And so they set off, tricking people for treats which was eventually what they ended up saying. They were pretty desperate kids after all and with them beginning to learn alchemy, they could pretty easily 'trick' people now. The adults held back their chuckles and played along with the game, even Granny Pinako at least until Winry saw them.

"Edward! Alphonse! What are you guys doing?"

"Awww Winry! You just ruined it!" Edward groaned, his pumpkin head sagging.

"You're the one running around with a pumpkin on your head!"

"Ugh."

So, the boys eventually walked back to their house to see their house only to find their mother standing at the front door, waiting expectantly.

"And what were you two doing?"

"Uhhh…trick or treat?"

That little idea soon became a trend that happened the next year, with their mother's approval of course, and kids dressed up to walk around the houses for candy and other little sweets. The pumpkin heads soon became a decoration instead of a costume, being lit with candles and set in front of the houses to show who was participating and to set an eerie glow in the darkness. It spread to other villages and towns in the next couple years and both Elrics were proud with their work. It didn't even stop when Alphonse lost his body to the gate.

_The Truth was surprised when he heard a knock on the gate only to find Alphonse's body dressed up in a cheaper knock off version of his soul's armor demanding candy._

_Meanwhile, in Central.._

_"Brother, I feel content for some reason…"_

_"How so Al?"_

_"Like when we extorted people back in Risembool for food and sweets…."_

_"Ah, the good old days…."_

_

* * *

_

**Eheheh…I hope that was good enough! Also, I promise to include the therapist stories in here at some point. It comes up too much that I can't just ignore it. XD**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm on a goal to update as many as my fics as possible today. I already updated 2 in less than 15 minutes! CHEER ME ON! =D**

* * *

**32. Protest against milking cows. **

Ed did not like milk.

It was a common fact, despite the number of people who still attempted to make him drink it. The various choices between the dairy product were shown to him: 1%, 2% whole milk, skim, chocolate, strawberry, etc. However, he would not change his logic that it was tasting white vomit being secreted by cows.

No, it wasn't Ed's preferred drink, with the boy choosing coffee instead much to the annoyance of others who told him return that coffee stunted his growth and that's why he was so short.

Needless to say, their faces met metal upon 2 seconds of uttering those words.

Now, the cows weren't to blame for all of humankind's stupidity. No, it wasn't their fault at all! Edward actually thought they were cute looking, not that he'd admit it. It was when Winry, in an act of stupidity (or at least what Edward though was stupidity), decided to take him to a dairy farm in order to get him to at least warm up to the idea of trying the milk.

What she saw: cows being milked for the general population of Amestris.

What he saw: poor innocent cows being hooked up to terrible machines to get their liquids to get sucked right out of them.

Now, this is not how the 'Alchemist of the People' rolls.

Although, it was about to turn into the 'Alchemist of the Cows'.

_People were perplexed at how Edward had managed to find 50 cows or even get them inside of HQ without noticing. All anyone even saw was the alchemist cackling like a madman while riding a cow during a stampede yelling: "RUN MY BOVINE FRIENDS! DON'T LET THEM MILK YOU!"_

* * *

**I've got to say, 32 has got to be one of my top ten favorites of the list. XD I hope you enjoyed!**


	3. Chapter 3

**So I forgot I had this fic…what do you expect when I have 35 of them?**

* * *

**339. Win a trip to Fiji**

It all started long ago…when Hoeinheim received a postcard from an ad for winning a trip to Fiji…

"Honey, something important has come up and I have to leave for a while."

"What's wrong?"

"I need to save the world."

-3 weeks later-

"Would you like a refill on your drink, sir?"

"Sure Marla, I'll take another."

Sure enough, Hoeinheim was chilling poolside while sipping pina coladas and getting a tan. He could save the world soon enough. It wasn't as if the homunculus had come back, took over the entire system of government, planned on sacrificing the entire country's population so he could become god and effectively kill off everything using his two sons, their teacher, and a blinded military colonel to do it.

Nah.

_Hoeinheim never really said if he was researching the__entire__time he had disappeared….._


End file.
